A Personal story of Child Abuse in Fort McMurray | Continued
I have shared my personal story of the child abuse that I endured as a child, and my sister’s personal story in a previous blog post –> HERE. <–
You may want to read it first prior to this blog post, as what he is upset about is our going public with our stories.
Yesterday, I spent most of the day in tears or seething in anger because the man we once called our father decided to post an “expose” telling his version of our story, in other words, more lies.
I don’t go public with our stories for sympathy or for attention. I go public because for so long we all stayed quiet, and because silence will never end the violence. This man is upset because I have chosen to go public with our stories on a very public platform. I really don’t care. I will be as vocal now as I can be because for so long I was silent. We were all silent. I have a platform, and while it may be small it is a voice I have to tell the world that we will no longer stand up for being abused or bullied. EVERY CHILD deserves to be loved. I will be as vocal as I can about that until the day that I die.
Here is further evidence that this man and his wife are still trying to manipulate people into believing they were innocent in all of it. 4 happy little girls do not just suddenly start hurting so badly they cut themselves, or run away never to return again.
The truth is out there, and I won’t allow you to keep bullying us with your lies. It hurts so badly that after 22 years you still refuse to admit fault in all of this. You still blame us, and our mom when the fault lies completely with you and your wife.
Here is, point by point – his version of the story and our truth. Below each image of his version is the caption with the truth.
Point 1:
“After my ex left me to chase other guys”
Whether she cheated or not, was with other guys after the divorce or not, your ex left you because she was unhappy. That is why people leave people. I’m not saying she was innocent in that relationship, she certainly wasn’t. I wasn’t innocent in the demise of my first marriage either. But your ex did not leave to “chase other men” just like I didn’t leave my ex to go “fuck other people”. She left because she was unhappy.
Also, regarding my mom. No parent is perfect and we never expected you to be. Our mom though, never once gave up on us. Even after Debbie brainwashed us into believing that she did not love us anymore and we told her never to talk to us again, our mom never gave up on us. She was there for each and every one of us when we moved out of the hell that was your home. She also never spoke poorly of you or even Debbie, not once. When we were all moved out she encouraged us to contact you and call you on your birthdays. She picked up the broken pieces of the girls you left and we couldn’t be half the women we are today without her.
I remember the night I left, she poured me a hot bath and I took my first bath in years. I sat in that tub, 16 years old weighing the same as a healthy 9 year old, frail and weak from running through the woods in just slippers to get away from that place, exhausted from crying, wondering how the sobs were still coming and my body was still convulsing with them knowing that I had left my sisters behind. My mom then stayed up and rubbed my head for me, like she used to when I was a baby. I was 16 years old and my mommy was singing me a lullaby and rubbing my head until I fell asleep exhausted from the day, and it was the most loved I had felt in so long that my heart burst. Say what you will about my mom, but at least she has ALWAYS shown us love. And my kids adore their grandma Sandy.
Yes, I agree that during the periods where you had us you were a great dad – none of us girls have ever denied that to be a fact.
Point 2:
(all of this)
Yes. Our mother had an alcohol problem. We don’t deny that. What I don’t understand, is how you were so quick to want to “protect us” from the horrors of alcoholism, which is a disease, but couldn’t step up to protect any of us from physical abuse and torture, which is a choice. I don’t have flashbacks about the time my mom drove drunk with us or the time we went to A&W with our cousin, I don’t even remember those moments – but I can tell you I remember what that dead “fetus” in the jar looked like as she screamed at me that I had killed my baby brother or sister. I remember how the brush felt as it dug into my scalp so hard that it bled. How the cutting board felt as it smashed over my head. I remember begging my baby sisters to move out because they admitted they were cutting themselves, dragging needles up and down their arms or razor blades across their thighs. I remember those moments 22 years later, so which were the ones you REALLY needed to protect us from???
Point 3:
The Ex
Because Debbie is a habitual liar, and because she was the one who physically assaulted me on a daily basis, I don’t believe a word of what she says about her ex. Even IF it were true though, and she were abused – why did that suddenly make it right for her to come here and abuse your children?
Every one of us girls suffered from the abuse Debbie inflicted upon us. Koryn had a shoulder dislocated, Kristin had glasses broken and a black eye, Karalee was whipped with a computer cord – every one of us was tortured with make-work, boot camp, kneeling on the hearth for punishment etc.
So it’s a horrible thing that she was beaten, but it’s ok that she did it to us, your daughters??? She used to tell me I reminded her of her ex. That is sick. He was more than 200lbs and had a dick I was a little girl.
Point 4:
“Those first two years everything went smoothly. The girls loved Debbie, they adored her,”
Bullshit.
Debbie beat me for the first time the day after she moved in. You had gone to work. I grabbed a Pepsi and sat at the computer like I had done nearly every single day of my life that we lived with you. You used to help us with our computer games. She pulled me from my hair off of the chair screaming what are you doing on your dads computer??! we all cried that we were allowed, it was ok – she said “not anymore.”
That was the DAY AFTER she moved in. Not years later. We were not allowed on that computer again after she moved in, and we were abused from that day forward. For you to deny this to this day is absurd.
Point 5:
“Sacrifices had to be made. Vacations went from trips to Drumheller and the mountains to fishing near home.”
Do you think that we cared that we didn’t get to go on holidays? We didn’t go on any cool holidays with our mom and still enjoyed our time with her, or our grandparents and still enjoyed our time with them. We just wanted to feel SAFE. Like every child wants to feel. And LOVED.
Point 6:
“Presents and gifts were cut back”
Yeah, because she would take the presents and gifts that our grandparents and mom gave to us and give them to her kids. That isn’t cutting gifts back, it is stealing gifts, and it is wrong.
Point 7:
Seven times in two years we had Social Services called on us by one child or another and seven times we were exonerated of any abuse or neglect”.
This is true. you were investigated multiple times. (I was told it more like a dozen) NEVER was it one of us children who reported you to social services though Randy. Even after I left, I was too terrified to talk to anyone about what I went through and did not tell social services anything. I just did my best to get the girls out. So if we weren’t the ones who reported it, and we made it up somehow – how did multiple other people feel like we were being abused badly enough they had to file claims?
I know that for a fact some of our relatives in St Paul told social services we were being abused. Perhaps it was because at the family reunion we were told we were not allowed to eat. I was dragged to the bathroom and hit for eating an egg. Uncle took me into the hall and begged me to come back to Vancouver with him that day, he said he could tell something wasn’t right. That was when she told me to wait in the car for the rest of the night, because people were talking. EVERYONE knew then that I was being abused, if not all of us. We didn’t have to say a thing it was obvious looking at me. It was obvious by the fact none of us were allowed to eat the food and so many was thrown out. It was obvious by the fact I was crying from being dragged to the bathroom and slapped. We didn’t have to make up stories, she made it pretty damned obvious something wasn’t right.
Here is a quote from a family member at that reunion,
“I remember that reunion… I was so confused about why we weren’t allowed to play with our cool, beautiful, big cousins.. I remember asking my mom why you girls seemed so freaked out when I offered to share my dessert…and why you all had to sit apart from everyone and couldn’t sit on chairs and couldn’t be seen talking to us… It’s insane to think anyone can deny what you women endured as young people. Thank you for sharing and for breaking the cycle and for educating your community and family. Its not the responsibility of victims to educate the rest of us- but you do- thats how amazing you ladies are.”
Even my principal in grade 8 knew we were abused. He sat you guys down and said Karla displays signs of being abused. By the end of that conversation you had him convinced I must have been molested at a young age by one of my moms boyfriends? I wanted to scream at Mr. Rushdy then and there “NO! ITS HER SHE BEATS ME EVERY DAY SHE CHASED ME WITH A DEAD BABY SHE HAS MADE ME BLEED ITS HER ITS HER!”
But I was fucking terrified of her. THAT is why you were exonerated. Because we were all too afraid. Karalee remembers telling them that you had problems, but were working things out. She says she thought that you would stop hurting her if she stuck up for you and defended you. She regrets not telling the truth to this day. THAT is why you were exonerated. Not because we were not abused and made it all up and it didn’t happen, because we were SO ABUSED that we were too afraid to talk about it.
Point 8:
The girls had begun to resent Debbie and her 3 children so they set out to break us up.”
I for one, never ever, EVER wanted you back together with my mom. I loved that she had a separate life from yours. Call me a selfish kid, I was a kid – having two birthday parties, two christmases, two different houses with your Pepsi and computer, her cool clothes and outings to the mall – it was fun I loved it and grandma and grandpas place was the best. I NEVER in a million years would have wanted you guys back together so this story is completely fabricated. The only one of us children who ever mentioned wanting the two of you back together was Kristin, because she is and has always been, a hopeless romantic that believes love should last forever. Also none of us remember EVER sitting around a table together telling you we wanted to break you up? For all four to suddenly forget something happened, that would be out of character for most of them to do anyways is just not believable. You must have imagined it.
Koryn, Karalee and I could have cared less.
Point 9:
“The girls would be all sweet and loving when I was home but when I went to work it was a Jekyll and Hyde scenario.”
Yep. Your wife would be all sweet and loving when you were home, but when you went to work it was a Jekyll and Hyde scenario. Did you never realize that all the times we were beaten severely you weren’t around? because she used those times to invent things in her head that we did wrong to merit being abused and tortured. I put my knees up, so deserved to be beat. I was humming. I was singing. I was reading a book. I used a washcloth. I looked at her funny. I reminded her of her ex. Excuse after excuse she would just find reasons to beat me on the daily. A child should NEVER EVER have to fear they will have cutting boards broke over their head for putting their knees up, or will have brushes beaten across their scalp until it bleeds because they missed a piece of dog hair in the bathroom. A child should never hurt so badly they drag needles up and down their arms or take razor blades to their legs.
Your wife was the Jekyll and Hyde. Had everyone convinced she was a loving mother when truly she was a monster.
Point 10:
“Things really went to hell. The oldest moved out, electing to live with the ex and less than a year later she was pregnant.”
This is true. But see, you seem to be blaming my mom here for this – but the truth is that I would not have had the shit self esteem I had if it were not for Debbie. I looked for love in all the wrong places. I craved it. The second a guy told me I was beautiful and that I meant something to him and that he was falling in love with me, I believed him. And I was naive and I thought he would truly take care of me – but he broke up with me before I even knew I was pregnant. And do you know what I promised that little girl when I first looked into her eyes? I promised her that I would never hurt her and I would never let anyone else hurt her. I promised to love her unconditionally and forever. And I haven’t broken that promise yet. And you know what? I couldn’t have raised my daughter to the amazing 20 year old woman that she is today (still a virgin and completely sober too by the way) without the help of my MOM. She wasn’t ready to be a grandma but stepped up and helped to take care of my little girl, she worked nights and woke up with my baby girl in the mornings to feed her and care for her while I was in school. She sacrificed the shit out of her life for my little one and me. So yeah, I got pregnant under her watch because she was working and I told her I was studying and she trusted me. But she made the best of that situation and was damned good to my daughter and I.
Point 11:
“The irony of it all is that the oldest lived only 3 years with the “evil stepmother” before she moved out and as I mentioned the first two years were great”
As I mentioned, the first two days were not even great. She started beating me the day after she moved in. So that’s BS. Also, the irony of it – is that those years that I was abused are some of the most important years in a developing Child’s’ life. Their adolescence. There are only a few milestones that matter as much in a young child’s development, and adolescence is one at the forefront along with infancy. Between the ages of 12 and 16, Debbie abused me on a daily basis, and even after I left, continued to abuse my sisters, and also attempted to still abuse me by telling my sisters they were not allowed to talk to me in school. What kind of a parent tells their children they can’t talk to their sister?? She was and is the “evil stepmother” there is no need for the mock quotations. She is evil to the core.
Point 12: “What was initially a tossed plastic cup became a frying pan and a knife?”
Not sure where you got that but she has hit me with cutting boards, hard plastic cups until I had lumps all over my head, stiff bristled brushes until my scalp bled, really anything that woman could get her hands on, she would use to hit me over the head. My sisters witnessed it on multiple occasions. Karalee cried from the bathroom door that day stop hurting my sister stop stop you’re hurting her stop! and Debbie just kept on hitting me, picking up a brush when she dropped the cup, only stopping when she hit her hand on the side of the tub and then said I broke her wrist. I broke her wrist because she was beating me?? Randy I was a CHILD!! A CHILD!!!! No child deserves to be beaten over the head with a cup and stiff bristled brush as their baby sister screams begging stop stop hurting her. No child deserves that!!! Are you that delusional you think we deserved all of that??!
Point 13:
“Many of you commiserate and feel sorry for my daughters but you have never once asked me if the stories were true.”
That is because they KNOW the stories are true. It wasn’t ever us girls who reported you to child services. It was family. It was strangers. It was friends. It was teachers and neighbours. It was never us. Your family commiserates with us because they knew we were being beaten, and reported it because that was how they felt they could help. Uncle begged me to come back home with him at that reunion, and then hugged you goodbye. He didn’t hate you but knew we were being abused. He knew that I especially was. Other relatives sat down with me in the kids room and told me how wrong it was that we weren’t allowed to eat. The family didn’t question it because our family is not stupid. They all KNEW something wasn’t right. We went from being happy little girls always laughing and playing to girls terrified to even snack at the reunion, and we weren’t even allowed to play with the other children there. They didn’t question it because they knew without a doubt that what we said was true.
Here’s a quote from one of our uncles,
I know my Dad also called social services when you were forbidden to visit them. I just want you girls to know they tried. You guys supported my Dad and Mom always. Thank you for that.”
Point 14:
“Debbie routinely creeps their Facebook pages to steal pictures of the grandchildren that we do not get to see”
You do know how twisted, sick and demented this is right? You will never know my children because I choose not to associate with someone who abused me. I have given you guys 22 years to admit that what we were put through was abuse, and you still don’t – and if you can’t see that was abuse why would I ever let you near one of my children??! For you to print pictures off and show them off to people as though you are doting grandparents when you still refuse to admit that you did wrong by us is absolutely the most disgusting thing about all of this.
Point 15:
“She wouldn’t even show up at my funeral to dance on my grave?”
You misheard this quote. See this is something your loving wife, Debbie, told to me as a child. I was I believe 13 or 14 at the time when she told me that if I died first she would dance on my grave. I have joked since that if I died first I would dance on hers.
See, I took her quote and used it against her, and you think it was such a horrible quote that you had to put it in here and said it was painful beyond belief – but she said that to me as a CHILD and yet you say we were not abused??
Point 16:
“Every birthday I hear through the grapevine on how I am such a heartless bastard and an asshole”
Well if the shoe fits? Forgive us for thinking of our father on your birthday, but yeah – we share posts and comments about it because as much as we try to ignore that day it still sticks in our head that you CHOSE to let that happen to us and continue to choose year after year to deny that it did.
Point 17:
Please don’t condemn the girls because of what I have written here,”
Oh I doubt they will, because I have pointed out the truths in what you have written here.
Koryn’s comment isn’t fully showing but does point out one huge fact – if Randy was such a loving father, why could he not have embraced Kristin when she tried to hug him at grandpas funeral? Or talked to koryn at all who had just had a stroke while pregnant? She was too kind in her comment but just wanted to know why after all this time he can’t admit that we were abused.
That’s all we want? That’s the reason we keep posting about it and talking about it, we just want him to admit that they were wrong. It’s called closure.
Point 18:
“posted on Karla’s BUSINESS page and commented on by other people that are not even family”
Yep. I posted about the abuse we endured on my business page. Multiple times. I have a small platform, but it is a platform and I decided to share my story because if I could help just ONE person find the courage to tell theirs, or to tell anyone that they are being abused, it will make the hell we endured more worth it. I have had, since I originally posted our story a few years back, multiple people reach out to me and tell me their stories, and how they are so proud of me for sharing and how they appreciate that I did. I could care less that you think I should keep it private.
My sisters and I share our stories now because for so long we were afraid to tell anyone what happened. We denied it constantly. I broke a girls nose because she was going to tell people that we were being abused – I was that willing to defend you guys that I got suspended from school. We were so terrified to speak up and guess what? we aren’t afraid of Debbie anymore. We spoke up because Silence will never end the Violence. We are public because now we finally feel free enough to BE public about it. Because when we were children we wanted so badly to scream that we were being abused, help us, somebody please help us, but we couldn’t. We do it now because we can, and because people deserve to know the real truth. People need to know why we stopped hanging out with other kids, stopped socializing, stopped visiting our family in St. Paul or even down at grandmas house. They need to know why everything suddenly changed with four girls so drastically that they suffer from mental illnesses to this day, that some have scars from cutting themselves. How do we explain away the scars without explaining what we went through? Without speaking up about what we endured?
The truth needs to get out there because it was hidden for way too long. We keep sharing it because we keep hoping you’ll admit your fault. Two of the sisters said when they saw your post they were so hopeful that you were finally going to admit fault.
Nope.
Point 19:
“Just put me on a cross and crucify me. That’s what it has felt like for the past 20 plus years.”
Um nope. You are not a saint and have no right to compare yourself to one. You are a coward. A coward who claims to have loved his four girls so much that he divorced their alcoholic mom and raised them on his own – but yet let a woman beat them and torture them incessantly so badly that one by one they all moved out never to talk to him again. If we were all making this up, if nothing had ever really happened to us, do you think after all of this time we would still have no contact with you?? We aren’t imagining any of this. We were abused. Over and over and in so many horrific ways that I have had social workers and correctional officers tell me that they haven’t heard of anything as horrific in all their years working. You are a weak pathetic coward who is so blinded by his love for a woman that he let four little girls who called him daddy grow to not even consider him at all.
My husband would never in a million years let me or anyone else hurt his children, even my children that aren’t his – because he loves them to their core and to his core. He would DIE for those kids. All four of our kids. Because that is what a dad should do – not just give up on them and then not believe them when they ALL beg him to see the truth.
Point 20:
“I give up. I won’t say another damn word on the subject.”
Yeah, because you still haven’t told the truth. So this is still your rhetoric and you still feel as though the ball is in your court. It’s not. I am not afraid of you guys anymore. My story is the TRUTH. So many people know it. You can’t be 16 years old and weigh the same as a 9 year old and NOT have people wondering what’s up. Everyone fucking knew we were abused and now they know the full story. I have had multiple people tell me “I heard bits and pieces from people, I always wondered, I always wanted to help, I am so sorry I didn’t help you, I kind of thought you were abused but I didn’t know what to do, over and over I hear these sorts of statements from family and friends and complete strangers. People who recognized that we were being abused and wanted to help but didn’t know how especially after report after report to social services did nothing because they failed us.
Give up? Then admit that you were wrong. That is what giving up means. Admit that what we went through all those years was abuse. What is so hard about that??? Grow up Randy.
The thing is Randy and Debbie (We are all in agreement that it’s more than likely Debbie who wrote this piece of drivel), NOBODY believes you. Not one person is going to believe that all four girls just concocted these stories of horror to try to get you back together with our mom, because that is ludicrous. Nobody believes you because there were so many witnesses. SO MANY. You thought that by keeping us locked up in that tiny 3 bedroom trailer, and keeping us home from school when we had visible bruising we couldn’t just explain away as a fight with one another, that you would be able to get away with it – and maybe you did – for a long time you did, but once the truth came out people remembered and people recognized that their instincts were right and people apologized for it. There is not one person that would believe, looking at the four of us girls, that you didn’t hurt us.
We are so blessed that we have the support of our family. The family that you say you elect to no longer talk to, they really could care less because they are a huge part of our lives. We didn’t set out to split you guys apart, you did that all on your own by letting a woman abuse your children and denying it year after year after year. We also have the love and support of our mom, who has been there for each of us through our graduations, marriages, the births of our children, our heartaches, our surgeries, our traumas, our LIVES. The loss is yours Randy.